in summer.

almost exactly 2 years ago, i posted this blog. thats how summer is supposed to be.

laughing.
swimming.
splashing.

and that is how tonight was.

[these are all taken with my nikon AW110 waterproof camera. this year, i actually spent my birthday money on me. and it has been the perfect pocket-sized addition to our summer.]




and then one from the other night…

one down.

i woke up this morning and silently begged corbin to sleep while i took a shower. she unknowingly, graciously obliged. i sat in the shower thinking about everything i had to do before we left for the MRI. pack aidan up clothes for after dance, clothes for sawyer after swim. getting corbin and miller to my parents' house. and then of course, trying to distract reese from eating.

she fell asleep on the way downtown and i, obviously, thought that there was a bigger reason for that than the regular "she is just tired. remember, she didnt take a nap yesterday and then went to bed late last night". noooo. in my head, we were doomed. doomed to repeat the last 18 months. only older… with more medical retention, more understanding.

tonight she told me about how the doctors put something "on [her] mouth" and she "didn't want bubblegum!" i realized soon after that she was talking about the gas. and she remembered. which is so strange to me because she's never said things like that before.

but its a part of growing up.

i promised her no port and no blood today. so i came out on top with that.

after her MRI, we went down and got some food. then went upstairs to wait.

i do not become impatient when we are waiting for results. doctors and nurses come in and give me updates, but i am okay.

i wasn't anxious today until then, though. i spent the morning feeling safe. and at peace. this morning before the MRI i met with someone from children's about doing an interview for the radiothon that they have in december. the hospital photographers came out and took pics of reese on the old playground they have. she was a ham. laughing and cheesing it up.

i was extremely up beat, for reese, when she was going back. she gave me a smooch and off she went. she was fine until the nurse said "say goodbye!!" again. then she lost it. i whispered her secrets, tucked foxy in with her laylee, and left.

my brave reesey.

then i heard the sweetest word. stable. it didn't matter how long i would have had to sit in the clinic room. her tumor hasnt done a damn thing. which is exactly what we wanted.

i want to clarify a bit - reese could have tumor in her noggin forever. and as long as it doesn't do anything, then that's okay. it won't be gone completely. but it will be dead cells, ideally.

we will check again in september.

so off we went. happy. ready to go on vacation. ready to spend all summer watching her tiny fuzz head grow longer. its already changing. it was white when it first popped through, but now its getting darker. red. of course.


we are not doomed. we are blessed. so very blessed.

thank you for every prayer.

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catching up with corbin.

poor baby 5. #kidding

sigh.

tonight at dinner, i was eating and she was nom'ing on my hand and i realized she had two teeth poking through. TWO. and i had no idea. she has been a super bad sleeper for the past week or so, but not in my wildest dreams did i think it would be because of teeth. i have never had a kid with a tooth before 7 months, at least!

I should get to posting pics. ya know, since i haven't posted her weekly/monthly pics since 3 months old ::oops::

at 4 months old they said she weighed 8lbs 15oz. :)

i bet now, at over 5 months, she weighs 10? maybe a bit over that? we'll see at the end of this month at her 6mo appt.

she wears size 1 diapers. sometimes a 2 if thats near. hell, sometimes a 5 if thats the closest ;)

she wears 0-3mon clothes!

she can roll both ways. she likes being on her belly.

she is an alright sleeper. i dont really know how often she wakes up at night bc i just put her on the boob. but maybe twice (when she's not sneakily teething...).

she's happy. she doesnt like to be held like a baby, though. she likes for you to hold her up. so she can be a part of everything.

she giggles and coos and tries to talk. she loves her hands. like, a lot. she still sleeps swaddled, but will sleep unswaddled sometimes. its not a necessity - its just easier lol

ok. lets go. starting from 14 weeks til NOW! :)

oh corbs. thanks for being so awesome.

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finishing up and starting again.

i feel like i havent written in so long. the end of the school year is filled with so much that i have great intentions and then, life takes me away somewhere else.

we had recital, first. another year done. aidan was in 6 dances and sawyer in 2. (they were in one together). i just love watching them both. they make my heart swell with pride. so beaut

then it was the end of school week. where my mind *almost* exploded, but a few awesome people saved my sanity. in the pics, you can see the ones where i compare from the beginning of the school year. and omg ::cuethetears:: wow. aidan and sawyer have grown up so much. we went to their school parties - where everyone, of course, loves the bald sister ;) we are going to miss this school next year. :( so many friends -- and so much love. just… so many people who truly care about our family. we have been so blessed for the past 2 years. since we moved, we are at a new elem school - and i have high hopes that their new school is just as great.





today, though. sigh.

today was miller and reese's first dance class. i tried to get photos of them altogether. i, also, tried to get pics of reese alone in her outfit, but no. ;) i watched from outside the metal blinds. i watched miller giggle. i watch reese walk around in a circle singing ring around the rosey. i watched miller get excited about the music. and then watched reese stand up, on her own, against the wall, with the other kids.

miller ran out and gave me a huge hug. reese scooted on over with the biggest smile on her face. these are the moments… these are what get me to the next day.




next week reese has an MRI. on tuesday. i am, as always, caught between being so scared, knowing that something could be wrong. something could show up, grow, ruin our lives. and then knowing there's nothing i can do either way. that she is so happy. so so happy. that she jokes and talks and kisses. that she cuddles and fights with her sisters. that she is sneaky and… happy. and that there is no reason to believe something is wrong inside that gorgeous head.

a head that has hair growing back. a halo of white. there is a pattern of growth on her head - as it gets longer, it looks a bit darker. i rub my hands, my face, on it all day. i love it. she loves it. "my hair come back!!" she says. i carry around her 10lb lunchboxes full of tape measures and noodles. and cell phones. and other things. and relish in her surprise kisses on my cheek. her thankful nose kisses when i get her a drink at nighttime.

all of it.

so another school year has ended. another dance recital has passed. summer activities have already begun. and this is how i hope it stays. forever.

please pray for awesome MRI results next week. i want to continue to live life the way we are right now - by watching hair grow.

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