Friday, April 10, 2015

she is only 6.

eta: I didn't know I would have to add this disclaimer, but apparently, I do -  I in no way think we should be exempt from any rules or regulations. I just think we shouldn't even have to think about it at all, honestly. "We" being all inclusive, not just us. ;) I concede several times in this post that we are in the wrong, according to the rules, but that I just wish they were changed a bit, for all.

oh hey there. It is just me on my soapbox.


Another day, another dress code violation. My 6yo, yet again, is inappropriate because of the straps on her dress.

Her long dress.
That is high cut on the front.
That is cotton so she can play outside comfortably.

But none of that seems to matter because its "too skimpy".

A definition of skimpy = revealing, but I am confused as to *what* they think she is revealing.

because she is 6. 

The rule for school is "3 fingers" for straps. My kids' closets are filled with halters, spaghetti strap dresses, sundresses, etc... texas gets hot and these are the styles. Do we also have dresses that are "3 fingers"? yes.

Twice this week, sawyer has been in trouble for her dress.

Do they both break the rules? Yes.
I also want to point out that I know why rules are in place - because they want to make it a blanket statement for when girls in the older grades start to get boobs. I get it.

My daughters do not have boobs. My 6 year old is not distracting anyone with her shoulders.

and to be quite honest, the only thing that is distracting anyone from their work day and the process of learning (which, btw, is already hard for an ADHD 6yo to do) is sending her to the office for a cover up. Today, though, since she already was given a cover-up earlier in the week, they decided to call me instead ;) So while I was at my speech today, I had to send a friend to the school to cover up my daughter's distracting and skimpy shoulders.


day 8 yellow-1 11137926_1000399539972103_459776691_n

I am going to take the blame on both days and also give excuses. The first day was a day where they had to wear yellow - and honestly, the dress straps didn't cross my mind. Today, EJ was the one dressing them because I had already left and it would never have crossed his mind either. Also, I want to say that it is also not me being a lazy parent - this is a huge battle in our home, to get dressed in the morning - for many reasons that I don't have time to go into, but that battle is a sensory and anxiety overload for sawyer. Sometimes we are sitting on the clock of not even making it to school because of the problems - it is just not important. Because in the end we don't see that it is POSSIBLE for children to be sexual, skimpy, or distracting because of straps on a dress.

There are more than a few things wrong with this:

the handbook says - The District’s dress code is established to teach grooming and hygiene, prevent disruption, and minimize safety hazards. Any disruptive or distractive mode of clothing or appearance that adversely impacts the educational process is not permitted.

1. Who is so distracted at school that they cannot focus on their work? Is it other first graders? I mean, the pageant shoes she wears to school are largely more distracting - and they are not against dress code, so I digress that it must not be too much about distraction.

2. What happened to using discretion? At what point can an administrator not say "hey, that's against dress code, but since this child is 6, I am going to use my discretion to just not say anything"...

3. ...because pointing out to my daughter that she needs to COVER HER SHOULDERS in order to be within social boundaries is absolutely insane. Way to give females a complex, y'all.

Nothing she wears, at this age, falls into those categories.

This kind of mindset is the reason my child can't wear a bikini at the beach without other moms giving me the side-eye. Their son, however, has no shirt on, but somehow my 6yo would be "too sexy" and "revealing". Wearing a sports bra top to a sports practice is the same story. No one should be able to make my child feel ashamed of her body - especially a figure in power.

This is what society has done to us. Public school fears judgement from the outside so much that they stretch the bounds of their reach too far. There are obviously inappropriate clothes and situations for children when they reach a more pubescent age. I feel as if the educators are smart enough to know when that time is - and I feel as if parents are much more understanding at that age, as well - as they should be.

I don't want to send my child to school, covered head to toe, because the administrators worry that I am unable to teach my child how to dress appropriately for her age, as she gets older. That is not their job. We are the parents. And "no harm, no foul" apparently doesn't win against a possibility of my daughter's shoulders impacting the educational process for her class.

What power she must have to have that sort of hold on them ;)


  1. I believe that they should find a way to deal with this policy without shaming and embarrassing the child! Her dress straps are not a big deal. I can't believe they would not let her wear it for the day and just send a sealed note home with her informing the parent that her dress doesn't meet code, don't wear it again, etc. Instead they pull her from class and shame her? Ridiculous. Sorry you are also dealing with the getting dressed issues. I understand, my 5 year old is having issues with his socks and shoes. He sometimes has to put them on and off 3 times before they feel "right". He is in OT to try to to improve some things before he starts Kinder. He reminds me of Sawyer from several things you have posted in the past.

  2. I really, REALLY wish that this blog would go viral and end up on The Today Show. I totally agree with every point you made. Totally ridiculous and change needs to happen!

  3. Absolutely agree. Maybe you can get some tank tops with "3 finger" straps to go under spaghetti strap dresses and tops so she can still wear them. But I'm with you. It's funny, because my daughter practically needs a whole different wardrobe to wear to her summer program since the rules are different. School year flip flops are fine but no spaghetti straps. Summer, strappys are fine but must have closed toe shoes. Good grief.


  4. I seriously hate these kinds of rules because it totally sexualizes young girls in a way they shouldn't be. By saying that girls wearing spaghetti straps are "immodest" or "inappropriately dressed" it creates a problem where there wasn't one before. Totally with you on this!

  5. Shame shame shame....on the school and their absolute unnecessary ridiculous rules!! It's hot and seriously...SHE IS 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with this world?!?!?!? I can't even explain the vulgar unacceptable words I want to use to tell these "administrators" what a disservice they are doing to all women! Shame on them and anyone else who "agrees" with this!!!!

  6. #3. #3 SO HARD.

    In a way, I'm glad Kayla has to wear a uniform at school. They can do whatever they want to their hair, pierce anything, wear just about any kind of shoes, but at least they're all in polo shirts and jeans, which looks equally crappy on everyone. There's no battles over inappropriate clothing, and chances are, what the school defines as inappropriate is misogynistic and/or asinine. It's the girls that get shamed with restrictive dress codes.