Thursday, August 27, 2015

sunlight. FDOS 2015.

"We can choose our mood..."

That was the theme at church last week. Before school started, we talked about no matter what life throws at you, you can feel all the feelings, but the general "mood" that your life stays in, is chosen by YOU.

I have felt this was true for a long time. It is very easy to be unhappy, in my opinion. It is easy to find the things in life that are terrible or stressful. There are storm clouds all around - negative people, situations that you feel as if you can't dig out of - but choosing to live in that storm is something I never have wanted to do.

...I wanted to find the sunshine. 

For the past (almost) 3 years, we have searched for a ray of hope filled light in every situation. It is hard work, honestly. It would be easier to sit around and cry about it. I could cry about everything that has happened to Reese, everything she has to go through. I could live angrily, thinking about my other children who have to watch their sister be the center of attention sometimes. I could feel sorry for myself, for EJ, for having to witness it all. Poor us, I guess.

We choose not to live in those moods. 

We cry, we fight, we are stressed, we worry and sometimes feel hopeless. But we made the unconscious decision a long time ago to realize that every day has sun and hope and that our season of life doesn't get to be sad.

I said before that Reese going to kindergarten is such a momentous occasion for me, in my own tired and worried head. I spent a lot of time on the internet googling statistics that mean absolutely nothing and looking at pictures of a kid who I couldn't see how she'd be when she was 5. But I can see her now... thriving.

The first day of school was awesome. The girls ALL came home happy. They told me stories of old and new friends, their favorite moments, excited about things that will be happening this year. I smiled the entire entire car ride as they chattered on about the wonderful events and promising things to come. After school, Reese had chemo - which is her new schedule - monday afternoons. This is the only time that fits 1. not missing school and 2. not being late to someone's dance class.

I have those moments where I am reminded that our actual season of life is a pretty bad hand, but there are so many amazing things that come from it - every day is a good one. One look into my kids' eyes and I realize that Reese isn't crying about what she goes through, the other girls aren't angry that sometimes Reese has things that we have to do - even if we all don't want to. I don't look at EJ and see him feeling sorry for himself - he and I are so proud of what we've become... the people we've made, the sunlight we see, and the mood we lead our family towards.

Another day down and "every part was my favorite part" from the girls. Nothing should ruin these happy days...

1 comment:

  1. This has nothing to do with your heartwarming post but, damn, your kids have the most adorable clothing!!