Sunday, January 18, 2015

birthday back up.

I feel like I am overwhelmed with the things I want to say about my oldest and my youngest having their birthdays this past december.

becoming a mother was all I ever wanted to do. aidan completed me. completes me. she "gets" me, in every which way. at only 8, she is someone that understands any look i give, she reads in between the lines, and her heart was built like mine: sensitive, emotional, sentimental...

when we were moving clothes, recently, from reese's room to miller's, she asked what happens when, then, its passed to corbin. after corbin, what happens?

we just sort of stared at each other. 

corbin is the exclamation point on the skelte family. she is funny and sneaky. and does things on purpose. she steals her sisters things and randomly will laugh. she is a lovey who will lay her head down on anyone around. she cruises confidently and is starting to stand. she will walk soon and then i'll cry. 

because, truly, she is our last. 

i told aidan "well, i don't know..." and she said "i guess i will have to save them for my kids..." and i smiled knowing that God gave me the perfect first born. 

each of my children have a special place in my heart. they each have something that makes me see myself in them. each one knows how to push my buttons in a different way. and each one loves in a spectacular way, unlike the other. 

but aidan being 8. and corbin turning 1. well, it just sort of solidified a new stage in our lives. a stage i am and am not ready for at the same time. but it is what it is. and i can't make babies forever. lol

let me dote, for a second. 

aidan is in 2nd grade. she is friendly. she is loving. she is smart. she is GT at her school and going to that class is her favorite time. she loves to read and science. she loves american girl dolls and still cuddles her "scooze dog" at night. she takes things seriously and you need to be careful with jokes. she has a snippy attitude sometimes that comes out of no where, but within minutes, she is apologizing because she is worried that she hurt your feelings. she worries about reese. she protects sawyer. she gets into trouble with miller. and hover-mothers corbin. "are you the mom, aidan?" she naturally protects and she loves with her whole heart. she can't leave for school without a kiss and a hug. she is talented at most things she does. she is an amazing dancer and i watch her with awe. but she's shy and not confident. she plays with her hands when she's nervous. she is so silly with her family and her friends love her because of those same silly quirks. she is a pre-pre-teen who teeters between knowing friends don't hurt feelings, but wanting everyone to like her. she is surrounded by friends, but still sometimes misses her old school. she yells for alone time, but never really takes it when the opportunity arises. she is my sweet baby, my first born. my heart.

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ooooh corbin. now that she is one, she crawls around this house, like a boss. she tries to find naughty things, but immediately hands them over when you say her name. she is the first kid to throw things in my toilet. she could eat all day and hollers "mmmmmMORE" when her tray is empty. she kisses on the lips and lays her face on your face. she still breastfeeds randomly, but thats the last bit of baby i have from her. with cruising and standing - soon she'll be walking. and then i won't be a mother of a baby, but of a toddler. she loves me. truly i am her favorite person on earth. as it should be. and i love her. she makes me giggle with her own belly laughs. she makes sneaky faces when she knows she is in the wrong and is proud of her trouble making tendencies. she will give me a run for my money. oh baby 5, you are perfect. .

mckinney texas lifestyle photographer gingersnap photographs_0428 corbs 1st bday2 corbs 1st bday3 corbs 1st bday4 corbs 1st bday1 aidan8 corbs1 bday pics3 aidan8 corbs1 bday pics4 aidan8 corbs1 bday pics7

we are so blessed. with these 2 lovelies on the end and the amazing 3 in between them, i am out of words, really.

happy birthday corbin. happy birthday aidan. sorry this post is so late - i could blame it on 100 things, but all that matters is that you know that i. love. you.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2015

what we have.

things are going good.

reese feels good. vinblastine is an interesting beast. overall, there haven't been many side effects (so far, of course, tomorrow is just our 3rd dose), except being tired. she seems a bit more tired than usual, but nothing too weird or worrisome. she also is back in school - so that doesn't help. well, it helps with her happiness bc she loves school ;) she wakes up each morning, hoping its a school day,  but they are long days.

chemo last week was not like it used to be. she was sad when they put the cream on. she didn't want to play or watch movies. she knew everything that was going on. because thats what 4.5 year olds do. they know.
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but we move on. EJ brought lunch to us at clinic at legacy, we left and went to my parents' house to get M and C. we laughed and giggled. when aidan and sawyer got home, reese told them all about the day, her port, her meds, the doctors - but not once was there a hint of sadness.

we talk about going to the dr the days before. i told her today that we have the dr tomorrow - so she can get port meds. tomorrow morning, i will try to see if she'll let me put her cream on her port or if she's just going to want them to do it.

every day is so fun. its crazy. its hectic. as my kids get older, the witching hour turns from overtired babies to living room mess explosions. they have boxes that they color and make into rocketships, they have snacks that grounds crumbs on the floor. every night we pick up, vacuum, and change the dishes... a new day starts, but its still the same thing. they wrestle, they laugh, we go to dance and cook dinner.

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i want nothing more except for this chemo to be working. for, outwardly, reese's hair to grow, her to feel good, to be continually this happy. and then for vinblastine to still be so deadly to her tumor, on the inside.

i have become smarter. i look at things that i think i see and trust my instincts. i walk the line between absolute nervous worrier and over-confident mother. i don't want to tip into either bucket, but i do want to remember that each feeling is there. one gives balance to the other.

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tomorrow we may have chemo, but we also have dance class. we have lunch antics and car ride songs. we have me pretending to be foxy's voice. we have "i need a hug"s and random kisses on my hand as we walk. we take miller to school, where they will likely say the cutest goodbyes. we have love. and happiness.


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Sunday, January 4, 2015

already rolling.

i woke up between 4-430am on friday morning. i got my clothes on, fixed my makeup and hair, and picked out reese's outfit. i got her socks, boot, and shoes together and pre-made her meds. i went back to the bed (she was sleeping in ours, of course), and she had found her way under EJ's back.

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she looked so small.

"reesey... wanna get out of bed?" with those words, she popped up like a poptart and we got ready for the day. "i say bye to my daddy?" of course. she went back, kissed him goodbye, and we were on our way to the hospital.

i put on fun music on in the car, but she was obviously tired. we walked in together, only to get in line for the 5:30am check in. then we have another check in at 6am. then taken back for surgery at 7:30am. reese knows the routine. she no longer complains about not having a drink anymore. she hops on the scale and holds her arm out for her blood pressure to be taken.

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i signed all of the paper work, we watched some tv, and then she got her versed/pre-meds and then gave me kisses goodbye. "i go do my bubblegum!" which is the mask that smells like bubblegum and puts her to sleep.

the next time i saw her, in the PACU, still sleeping heavily, she wasn't the same as she went in. she had a port again - very close to the same spot. i was happy about that because she mentioned it going there - so there weren't any surprises.

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they gave her pain meds while waking up and so she fell asleep for a few hours, while we went to grab food and wait upstairs in clinic.

after a few hours, it was chemo time. vinblastine in. hopefully tumor going out.

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we scheduled a month's worth of chemo appointments and we were on our way.

yesterday, though, she had just 99 fever all day. she felt so.much.warmer than that, but after several hours, we finally said that we were going to run to legacy because she felt so crappy. the last thing i wanted was some sort of port infection or whatever. she was a bit emotional. putting the numbing cream on her port site triggered a bit of tears. just... sad. "i wan' go home and see my daddy..." and it broke my heart. we will be in the swing of things, again, i hope. she got her rocephin and we went home. all was well. and today she feels great. much more normal reesey.

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i get a lot of questions on FB and IG about tumor size - or how much it changed from sept to dec, etc - so i wanted to show you some screenshots, here. she has come a long way. amazing doctors, skillful surgeons, modern medicine, and prayers

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reese may have these scars on the outside, but on the inside, she is my brave, sweet girl. laughing through most everything that comes her way.

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