holding hands.

this week, reese had her port flushed. i told her monday night night we were going to go to the doctor today and she said "no port…" and held that small scarred area on her chest.

i didn't bring a stroller. she walked the whole way. with aidan by her side, the only parts she didnt walk were up and down the long ramped hallway. and then a few breaks to catch her breath from laughing so hard as she purposefully ran into aidan's legs. "crash!!!" she'd say.

at some points, she'd yell for aidan to push her walker and she'd walk with me. side by side. hand in hand. but it wasn't the weird hand holding. it wasn't me with my arm crooked, trying to balance her. my arm was relaxed and we were just holding hands like mothers and children do.

i've thought about this before. i've been walking with miller or another child and thought "will i do this with reese ever again? will we just hold hands and walk together normally?"

yes. 

when we left, aidan said "wow, everyone knows reese." and thats partly true. reese was in a great mood - smiling, laughing w people, giving kisses and racing down the hall. we saw nurses and friends. we saw our main ICU dr from the beginning - as well as when reese was septic - on our way out. i always wonder what people are thinking. he was proud, you could tell. reese was laughing, trying to chase aidan and he turned back to watch, with a smile on his face. he is the best - always forthright and honest with us. so seeing him proud made me feel the same.

we went to get SMC and then on to PT/OT. then dance. then made dinner and met with neighbors for "national night out". it was a good day.

we bring reese's walker everywhere now. i want her to walk into places. and even walk while AT places. she walked through the store with us the other day. i got a regular cart (instead of a big one) and so there was simply no space. sorry reese, walk. and she did.

august has started up and the summer is winding down. we've had a surprisingly cool summer, so playing outside is a must. aidan went to the lake with my parents from thursday through sunday. sawyer had a friend's bday party on saturday. we're planning things like backpacks and lunches. getting our fall dance schedule solidified.

im ready for aug 25 to come and me be SO SUPER HYPED about making lunches until mid september when im like "eat at school today…". im ready to send off 4 kids in one day and go to the gym with my one snuggly baby.

i am ready to wave goodbye in the morning and see them running towards us in the afternoon. im ready for miller to see her friends again and tell me illogical hilarious stories of her day.

im ready to hold reese's hand and walk her into school.

"you come back?" she always asks when we talk about school starting again.

i always come back. every day i come back to hold her hand.