Thursday, August 14, 2014

the summer is beginning to end.

its august. its hot - although not as hot as it usually is this time of year. my kids are sort of… over my face. we try to go to the gym in the mornings. if i can't get everyone ready in time for the 8:45 or 9am class, here we stay. i don't like driving around for no reason with all 5. its such a huge ordeal to get them in and out that i just... would rather sit in my PJs some days.  plus, dance is in the afternoons so we play, eat, nap, and go, generally.

the house gets so messy. toys come out that i haven't seen in months. yesterday, they brought a ridiculous amount of baby stuff downstairs. and carts. and "got in the car" and "went to the store". it was fun to listen to them.

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i put them in the bath to waste time. or the sink. reese loves sink bubbles. today i had to hose corbin down after she ate and then i tossed reese in. so worth it.

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they play dress up. they make each other laugh. or cry. or yell. or kiss and hug. and all of those emotions in a 30 second span.

sawyer had a fever last night and all day today. up to 102 or so. tonight the same. reese has been cranky and has a canker sore and i wonder if she is going to get sick.

i have been so good lately. its middle of august, 1 month until our next MRI, almost exactly. and i have been super confident. i watch reese show everyone how amazingly she opens her bad arm. i watch her walk everywhere. its amazing. she talks more. understand jokes and tells them. she knows so many numbers and letters - a place where i thought she'd be behind for kindergarten next year - i think she'll be right on track. her hair so soft and fluffy. growing back right over the scars.

but then i make things up, of course. "she looks fatter" - well, she is. lol she is bigger. she has gained weight and a smidgen of height. i imagine since chemo is over, she'll grow to be the size of a normal 4 year old haha she's still pounds and inches less than aidan was (similar body type as a toddler) at the same age. i worry about sleep. "oh she didnt sleep well last night" and then she's tired the next day. not too tired - normal tired. but then i think "wait she slept too well last night" blah blah. its a cycle of crazy. and then when another kid is sick? its hard to say to myself that there's even a possibility that anything reese does is because she, too, may feel crappy.

because it always has to be about the tumor.

but then i look at photos like this. or my random daily IG posts (punkfictionv4) and know that everything is okay right now. we are happy.

school starts on the 25th. next week is filled with meet the teacher nights and back to school shopping for things i couldn't find yet.

aidan is a bit nervous, but so excited. sawyer is beyond ready. reese cannot wait to see her teachers again. miller is giggly to see her friends. and corbin, well, she's happy with me ;)

prayers that we stay healthy, please. and that every day only feels better than the one before.

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